Fifteen Minutes at a Bus Stop - A study in the science of charity

The bus ride yesterday morning was hellish. 

A proverbial measure of the breadth and depth of my discomforts. 

I was seated in the opposite direction of the direction in which the bus was travelling. This causes me to build up a sense of motion sickness in my head. And the direction of the seat meant that the entire set of passengers were looking at me. Intently. As is the case most times when I begin to build up the situation unnecessarily in my head. 

Thinking about how to make the proverbial lemonade about this instance and started reflecting on the various things happening in and around the bus. 

The middle stop or the intermission, if you will, was a rest stop for about 15 minutes. And this gave ample time for interesting things to unfold in the bus. Having given up on smoking and being a tad bit uncomfortable in the journey till then, I decided to sit tight in the bus and not go out to even take a leak (which was a mistake as I learnt further along in the journey, but this is not that story).

One particularly striking thing about that stop is that, it weren't street vendors or salespeople rushing into the bus. It was mostly people requesting alms and charity. 

I ended up watching each of them out of curiosity and the two people that caught my attention were a woman who was selling lottery tickets. A man who was limping and had crutches on him. I did not take a lottery ticket even though I felt that woman was the most in need of help among all of them. 

I had taken up a ten rupee note and decided mentally to give it to this woman if she did not get any cash from anybody - but I saw her sell a few tickets. I waited for the limping man to come by. Right as he was half way to me - a man appeared by my side and then asked me to give him at least 10 rupees for a tea. He was very insistent and I sensed a little urgency and desperation in his voice - this made me act in autopilot and give him the ten rupees. And as the limping man came up to me, I took out a fifty rupee note and passed it to him - he silently pocketed in and left. I appreciate that he did not make a show of it and just pocketed the note.

I sense there is a little bit of a parable in this whole account. 

What would any of you have done? 

How would this whole instance have played out if any of you guys were among the people involved?

The celebration of disdain - a generation on the verge of cancellation

Having grown up through an era of pretty sounds and pretty sights that are taken in naturally as every thing of substance should be, how did we fall into the decadent pattern of being stuck inside tiny plastic square cages that are essentially on demand supply of the happiness signals that we are addicted to. Whatever happened to putting on a tape of your favourite album while you made love to your soulmate under the moon or the search for tenderness and the struggle of holding on to it? Where did we lose that path?

As a generation that celebrates disdain and superficiality, what heights of those pursuits have we climbed on to? Have we come far enough that a breadcrumb trail of dopamine is the script for our lives. Are we evolving into a hive mind where the interconnected-ness of the entire world is not through the noble lines of language, music and culture - but rather through the convolutions of copper wires connecting multitudes of worlds inside worlds. Love is a click away and the tick tock of a clock is a little light inside your pocket. The breath of a child is a meme and cities burning is reduced to the number of reactions it gets on the inter-web? Organic growth and the search for goodness is no longer a journey, rather it is an on demand service of pretence and prepared verses spanning the timelines of a fleeting blink of an eye. 

Is there a recourse to this sordid narrative? Can we learn to be a species that can still tell a pineapple from an apple by touching them? By smelling them? Are we witnessing the mass genocide of culture in a mass defection of affection and the self righteous suicide of love, and all associated emotions?

Can we listen to a love song without our brains signalling mouths to utter the world ‘cringe’ - where is the fountainhead of this cringe? Are we born into feeling the negative emotions of sacrifice protracted along the continuum of cancellation and the objects that make life worth living diluted to a fleeting glimpse and a narrow view through plastic squares and blinking lights right in front of our drowsy tired eyes? Are we holding things in the palm of hands, such things that should have the enormity of a bright burning star? God forbid I sound like a bitter old world weary man, coming to terms with a fast evolving world - coming to the death of human touching human, soul and body together. As a person who do cherish the accelerated growth of science and the onset of a whole world coming together as one - I do ask the question, is that really the end effect?

Don’t go looking for answers inside this little monologue, they are merely thought-starters for a generation ahead to start asking questions.

Channeling an inner Chetan Bhagat

 Okay that was a good non-date (thats what she said), yeah, but how do you spend more time with her without appearing too clingy? She just offered to take you home in her uber, oh that's a problem, did you forget deo when you left home? ah nah, go with it...

Let her get in first dumbass, you're getting out first. also, dude, don't turn around and look at her face too often, I know it looks perfect even with a mask on, but just... don't... be creepy. Oh wait, whats your mouth doing now? its making sounds. Are you fucking talking? what the fuck are you talking about? do you even know where this is going? Leave mission area, abort dumbass. stop talking and let her talk - that would give you more time to look at her face, yeah...

Yeah, she looks quite cute sitting there. Put your arms around her? No... where the fuck are your arms going? turn it into a stretch stat... turn it into a stretch goddamnit, you're not there... yet. Look out of the auto poignantly, now... act a teeny bit cool and a bit tired maybe. oh oh got one - slide to the edge of the seat and be impish, boyish... wait, you're doing that? you're at chin level with her now, what the fuck do you do now? absolutely do not put your face on her shoulder... holy crap, what are you playing at?

Why's the auto stopping? we're there already? oh god, what do you mean you dont want to get out? hug her politely and get out. Go in for the hug, easy does it, what are you doing with the cheeks? that was an absolutely cringy hug... wait what is she doing now? why is her hand at your tummy? did she just rub your tummy? 

OH MY GOD DUDE, YOU'VE FOUND A DORK JUST LIKE YOU!!!

Melting Sails

Deeper still, all louder Inside

Trees of finer golden spines

Tell me my roots just died

But it will be just fine

When I can just hide

At the end of the night

There are leaves with lullabies

Spreading their twilight chimes

Don’t you see that I’m scared

Sweat Drowning my neck

I’m tired, I’m wired, I’m sick of all my single verbs

Don’t tell me you thought it too

I’m a wrecked ship, floating bits, a Theseus ship, 

How the fuck am I still wired

How the fuck do I feel safe

Shadows dance in my mind

Brown eyes follow the light

But baby, I am still blind

When you glow, I’m still in flight

I still have my thoughts lined

All the glorious lettered sights

My will, this stony heart is bound

When I am dancing in the darkness

Don’t you see that I’m scared

Sweat Drowning my neck

I’m tired, I’m wired, I’m sick of all my single verbs

Don’t tell me you thought it too

I’m a wrecked ship, floating bits, a Theseus ship, 

How the fuck am I still wired

How the fuck do I feel safe

Could get a hold on this

I could make another move too

Could take a bold new push

I could make another fall soon

Heart Under Wheels

Take my hand and tell me why

Your insides are crying and sigh

Drunk drums beating for your heart

Take my hand, babe, it’s a start

Almost touching, our two worlds drift apart

They see and smile and say it’s sad

They move again along with sullen parts

Can you see the glow, the slow burning 

Take my hand and tell me why

Your insides are crying and sigh

Drunk drums beating for your heart

Take my hand, babe, it’s a start

Almost reaching, our fingers grasp the wind

Wading through the flow, what did you leave behind

What have I to get drenched and drown to find

Can you see the glow, it’s a sign

Take my hand and tell me why

Your insides are crying and sigh

Drunk drums beating for your heart

Take my hand, babe, it’s a start

Heat

Tried and tested verses

Sung in short phrases

An outpour of social friction

Acquiesce to his intention

Deep drenched in drizzle

Motive died out in a fizzle

Trust is another excuse

You no longer have a use

Oh he is a blazing psycho

Cool water inferno

Ready your mind he’s here

Run for your life he’s fire

He’s a wholesome man

Write his life he’s got fans

Read your rights he’s sheer

Will and wired he’s fire

Her cry echoed in millions

Sighs sucked up in illusions

She should raise her hand

Cannot be letters in sand

Lock horns when nature

Gave no horn we make them

Take them, raise a salute

He is caught in the fallout

Oh he is a blazing psycho

Cool water inferno

Ready your mind he’s here

Run for your life he’s fire

He’s a wholesome man

Write his life he’s got fans

Read your rights he’s sheer

Will and wired he’s fire

No longer has she tried

No matter how much he lied

No longer is she tired

Not a moment he could tear

Oh he is a blazing psycho

Cool water inferno

Ready your mind he’s here

Run for your life he’s fire

He’s a wholesome man

Write his life he’s got fans

Read your rights he’s sheer

Will and wired he’s fire

Call Out My Name

When you close your eyes, baby
Darkness comes closer to me
Won't you lean in for a kiss
Another hopeless little miss

Take in a twilight drenched sight
Let's dance through the night
Set alarm bells to wake us up
Still, lie in wait for it to pile-up

Call out my name
It's never going to be the same
Let's just leave them all behind
It's never a part of the grand design

Call out my name
Don't you see it will be a shame
Put your arms around me and wait
We will follow paths never straight

Listen to the birds cry for love
All you should think now is how
We're leaving for a better together
Riding this wave of good weather

Call out my name
It's never going to be the same
Let's just leave them all behind
It's never a part of the grand design

Call out my name
Don't you see it will be a shame
Put your arms around me and wait
We will follow paths never straight